So Long 2009!

I've been counting down the days. I feel like I've been given the opportunity to start fresh. New year, new decade. The 2000's hold some of the most wonderful moments of my life. Getting married, having Logan, buying a house, finding out kitties. Still, I'm just not the person I want to be inside or out. The 2000's were my fat decade. Yes, I've been fat for a whopping 10 years now. That's about 10 years too many if you ask me. I know New Year's Resolutions are so cliche, but I like the idea of starting anew. I need to get rid of this negativity. I need to stop wasting my life. I want to be happy. I want to be healthy. I want to live life to the fullest. I want to be the best Jennifer I can be.

I Got a Fever . . .

. . .and the only prescription is a baby. Kyle and I had originally decided to TTC baby #2 in October 2009, so we'd have another late spring/early summer baby. Perfect for a teacher's schedule. Well, then Kyle lost his job and didn't find another one until November so that plan got scrapped, obviously. That didn't stop me from obsessing over having a baby though. My period was over a week late last month and I thought I was going to have to be committed due to the obsession. Finally we sat down, had a nice long talk, and decided (OK, Kyle decided and I was forced to agree because deep down I know it's right) that we'll TTC this fall for a spring/summer 2011 baby. And that was that. And I was OK with that . . er . . I PRETENDED it was OK. We can start trying in 9-10 months, not that long in the grand scheme of things. I was just starting to buy into it being OK when I happened to see the Facebook status of someone I used to work with. Our boys are 3 months apart. The status said her kid was going to be a big brother this June. BOOM! I felt like I had been punched in the stomach. That should be me! And just like that, I'm back to square one, having to come to terms all over again.

I feel sort of guilty that I'm not satisfied with one kid. I know there are people who'd kill for just one. However, it's because I have this kid that I want another one so damn bad. I mean, I was excited over Logan's arrival but I never could have imagined how cool it would be to have him around. The kid is amazing and the experience has been so fulfilling that I'm dying to do it again. I liked being pregnant (minus the miserable 9th month and the 17 hour labor and delivery). I love the toys, the clothes, the smiles, the giggles, the squishy thighs. I loved breastfeeding. I've loved watching Kyle turn into the most fantastic dad I've ever seen. I love having a great excuse to watch Diego, buy cute Halloween costumes, visit Santa, and color Easter eggs . . . but I digress. So our plan got held up a year. I'm not going to lie I'm probably going to still bitch about it a little. On the upside I get to spend the time with my little cutie. As fast as he's growing, the time will pass in the blink of an eye.

Why Can't We Be Friends?

I'm starting to think I'm a bad friend. I had 6 bridesmaids, 4 of whom were friends (the other 2 were SIL and my cousin). I have drifted from all of them and I've only been married 5 years (which feels like 5 seconds or 100 years, depending on the day). The one thing all 4 have in common is me, so does this mean I'm the problem? My maid of honor and I have been friends since we were in nursery school. I'd say we spent a good 75% of our time together in our early 20's. She practically lived at our condo. Now, we barely speak. I can't tell you what happened, because I don't know. There was no falling out and we do get together it's a fabulous time, but these times are few and far between. I suppose life got in the way. I only keep up with my college friends, K and S, through Facebook. S just another kid a couple months ago and I didn't even know she was pregnant. I love(d) these woman, why do I never speak to them anymore? Is this going to happen with my current close friends? I don't know how it happened before, what can I do to prevent it from happening now? As much as I enjoy being Kyle's wife and Logan's mom I need my girlfriends.

Diamonds are a Girl's Best Friend

Every year my company has a Christmas party where they give out gifts via a drawing. Most gifts are $10 gift cards to Chipotle, Panera, etc, but they give out a few "big" gifts: jewelry, a tv, an ipod, etc. Last year I'd been there for 3 months when they had the Christmas party. I walked away with a diamond necklace. I told my boss they didn't need to give me diamonds, that I was already happy there and never leaving. I also passed my good luck on--my closest work friend came away with a diamond bracelet. The last time she got something it was awful holiday fingertip towels so this was a huge upgrade for her. Last night was this year's Christmas party. I was sitting around waiting to win a gift card (hoping it wasn't Chipotle) when sure enough when my name was called I drew number 31. 31 was . . .a diamond bracelet! As awful as things have been this year this is obviously one aspect of my life where I'm very lucky. I told my co-workers jokingly that the year I get a gift card is going to be a real let down. Perhaps I should start wearing my necklace and bracelet every single day for luck.

More Perspective

A nestie on one the national boards I frequent lost her little boy this week. He was a perfectly healthy, bright, little boy, just 3 months younger than Logan. I cannot imagine the pain she is feeling right now. Her loss has shaken me to the core. In honor of her precious little boy I am going to make the most of the time I have with my little boy. I don't want to take a moment for granted. My heart bursts with love for Logan and he's brightened my life more than I can say. I'm so thankful for every morning I get to walk into his room in the morning and see that sweet smiling face. I'm thankful for every good-night kiss, every giggle, every side-eye (that's his newest "trick"). I love you Logan. Being your mom is the greatest thing I've ever done.

My Other Kids

This was supposed to be yesterday's blog entry, but because some people suck ass it wasn't meant to be. However it's really something I wanted to talk about so I'm doing it today.

There's something so wonderful and special about having mom friends. In addition to my friends from high school, I've met a wonderful group of ladies online of all places and they've been my rock, my sounding board, my Dear Abbys, if you will. This post isn't about them, though. It's about their kids. Second to being a mom, I've always wanted to be an aunt. I thought being an aunt seemed really cool and I of course would be a very cool aunt. Since I'm an only child I never really thought about how that would happen for me. I do have 2 BILs and a SIL but they're nowhere near ready for kids (and that's a good thing!). So, I've kind of adopted my friends' children as my own little nieces and nephews. I love them nearly as much as I love Logan and I feel honored getting to watch them grow up. So here's a little blurb about each of them.

First, there was Trenton. Trenton is my friend Sarah's little boy. Sarah and I go way, way, way back (5th grade). Trenton is a curly-headed chatterbox. The kid can (and will) say anything. He's smart as a whip and he knows it.

Then there's Justin. Katie was my first best friend to have a baby. We all waited super impatiently for Justin's arrival (well, except Katie--she wanted to stay pregnant forever). I will never, ever forget the day Justin was born. I was so excited to hear that he was a boy (Katie mades us wait the whole darn pregnancy to find out both times). Justin is exuberant and full of life. He loves Elmo and Barney and I tend to think he's going to be the class clown someday. The popular kind, not the geeky kind.

Next there's Kate. Kate's mom, Joanna, and I were pregnant at the same time which was a wonderful experience. Joanna was also a "waiter" so I didn't know who Kate was until the night she was born. Kate gave us all a little scare in utero, but she was born perfect. She's spunky, always has been, and she is always teaching Logan new things. I suspect this will keep happening even as they get older. Kate taught Logan how to smooch but I wouldn't worry to much about that, Matt. She can hold her own with the boys. She's also a total fashionista (OK, that's probably more Jo), but I have no doubt she'll always be looking put together long after she starts picking out her own clothes.

I think of my friend Ali's daughters Piper and Kady kind of like my honorary daughters. The little girls I'll probably never have. Piper is Trenton's female counterpart (getting those 2 together for a conversation would be priceless) with red hair and glasses. She's the coolest 2 year old girl you'll ever meet. My Kady-girl has beautiful blue eyes just like Logan's (I actually think those 2 look alike) and is one of the happiest babies I've ever seen. She's almost always up for a snuggle.

Then there's Jene's son Charlie. Charlie is closest to Logan's age and they play well together (for toddlers). I like to teach him little tricks (I suppose I am the Kate to his Logan). He's also very cuddly for the most part and I love his smile. I also think it's hysterical that leaves, grass, and other outdoor things freak him out.

The newest addition is Tyler, Justin's little brother. He's just shy of 3 months old and is of course cute as a button. I was able to spend some time with him yesterday. He enjoyed the song I made up to lull him to sleep. He's squishy and sweet and I can't wait to watch him grow up.

So there's my other kids, my honorary nieces and nephews. I love you all.

2009, Oh How I Loathe Thee

I hate you 2009. You're a real bastard. I hated you back in January when my stupid crappy car died. I hated you in February when the Steelers won the Super Bowl. I hated you in March when Kyle lost his job. I hated you in April when my anxiety started to kick in. I hated you in May when I scratched my brand new car and in June although I can't think of a good reason why right now. I hated you in July when I started having to work full-time. I hated you in August when Kyle still didn't find a job. I hated you in September when I had to start carrying my company's ridiculously overpriced health insurance. I hated you in October when Kyle's unemployment got appealed and our mortgage payment went up. I will hate you in December because Kyle and I can't go to the Bengals/Vikings game. I thought you might start looking up in November because Kyle found some work. It's only part-time and not nearly as much as he was making so you wouldn't have been fully forgiven anyway, but it doesn't matter because I hate you more than ever since I read the letter today saying we'd lost the appeal. I hate you almost as much as I hate the West Clermont school board, which is saying something because I don't hate anyone or anything as much as I hate them. Were you jealous because 2008 was so awesome? Or just bitter and angry because the Georges seemed to have it all together? Fuck you 2009. I bet 2010 is way cooler than you. It wouldn't take much.