So Long 2009!

I've been counting down the days. I feel like I've been given the opportunity to start fresh. New year, new decade. The 2000's hold some of the most wonderful moments of my life. Getting married, having Logan, buying a house, finding out kitties. Still, I'm just not the person I want to be inside or out. The 2000's were my fat decade. Yes, I've been fat for a whopping 10 years now. That's about 10 years too many if you ask me. I know New Year's Resolutions are so cliche, but I like the idea of starting anew. I need to get rid of this negativity. I need to stop wasting my life. I want to be happy. I want to be healthy. I want to live life to the fullest. I want to be the best Jennifer I can be.

I Got a Fever . . .

. . .and the only prescription is a baby. Kyle and I had originally decided to TTC baby #2 in October 2009, so we'd have another late spring/early summer baby. Perfect for a teacher's schedule. Well, then Kyle lost his job and didn't find another one until November so that plan got scrapped, obviously. That didn't stop me from obsessing over having a baby though. My period was over a week late last month and I thought I was going to have to be committed due to the obsession. Finally we sat down, had a nice long talk, and decided (OK, Kyle decided and I was forced to agree because deep down I know it's right) that we'll TTC this fall for a spring/summer 2011 baby. And that was that. And I was OK with that . . er . . I PRETENDED it was OK. We can start trying in 9-10 months, not that long in the grand scheme of things. I was just starting to buy into it being OK when I happened to see the Facebook status of someone I used to work with. Our boys are 3 months apart. The status said her kid was going to be a big brother this June. BOOM! I felt like I had been punched in the stomach. That should be me! And just like that, I'm back to square one, having to come to terms all over again.

I feel sort of guilty that I'm not satisfied with one kid. I know there are people who'd kill for just one. However, it's because I have this kid that I want another one so damn bad. I mean, I was excited over Logan's arrival but I never could have imagined how cool it would be to have him around. The kid is amazing and the experience has been so fulfilling that I'm dying to do it again. I liked being pregnant (minus the miserable 9th month and the 17 hour labor and delivery). I love the toys, the clothes, the smiles, the giggles, the squishy thighs. I loved breastfeeding. I've loved watching Kyle turn into the most fantastic dad I've ever seen. I love having a great excuse to watch Diego, buy cute Halloween costumes, visit Santa, and color Easter eggs . . . but I digress. So our plan got held up a year. I'm not going to lie I'm probably going to still bitch about it a little. On the upside I get to spend the time with my little cutie. As fast as he's growing, the time will pass in the blink of an eye.

Why Can't We Be Friends?

I'm starting to think I'm a bad friend. I had 6 bridesmaids, 4 of whom were friends (the other 2 were SIL and my cousin). I have drifted from all of them and I've only been married 5 years (which feels like 5 seconds or 100 years, depending on the day). The one thing all 4 have in common is me, so does this mean I'm the problem? My maid of honor and I have been friends since we were in nursery school. I'd say we spent a good 75% of our time together in our early 20's. She practically lived at our condo. Now, we barely speak. I can't tell you what happened, because I don't know. There was no falling out and we do get together it's a fabulous time, but these times are few and far between. I suppose life got in the way. I only keep up with my college friends, K and S, through Facebook. S just another kid a couple months ago and I didn't even know she was pregnant. I love(d) these woman, why do I never speak to them anymore? Is this going to happen with my current close friends? I don't know how it happened before, what can I do to prevent it from happening now? As much as I enjoy being Kyle's wife and Logan's mom I need my girlfriends.

Diamonds are a Girl's Best Friend

Every year my company has a Christmas party where they give out gifts via a drawing. Most gifts are $10 gift cards to Chipotle, Panera, etc, but they give out a few "big" gifts: jewelry, a tv, an ipod, etc. Last year I'd been there for 3 months when they had the Christmas party. I walked away with a diamond necklace. I told my boss they didn't need to give me diamonds, that I was already happy there and never leaving. I also passed my good luck on--my closest work friend came away with a diamond bracelet. The last time she got something it was awful holiday fingertip towels so this was a huge upgrade for her. Last night was this year's Christmas party. I was sitting around waiting to win a gift card (hoping it wasn't Chipotle) when sure enough when my name was called I drew number 31. 31 was . . .a diamond bracelet! As awful as things have been this year this is obviously one aspect of my life where I'm very lucky. I told my co-workers jokingly that the year I get a gift card is going to be a real let down. Perhaps I should start wearing my necklace and bracelet every single day for luck.